COMBAT

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Since the first rule of fight club is not to talk about fight club, weíll do our best to keep it snappy.

Shouldnít be difficult. There really isnít much to say, because so many other scripts have said it all first.

To be scrupulously fair, we quite enjoyed the first twenty-five minutes. The rival bunch kidnapping Weevils was intriguing: for a while, we were convinced there was a rival Torchwood-alike on the scene, one that could actually do what it says on the tin. (Maybe there was just a bit too much wishful thinking in there.) It was nice to see a bit of payoff for the Gwen/Rhys story. Tosh questioning Jackís using the Weevil as bait is a very nice touch. And while Owen, sorry, Woe-en wallowing in self-pity was monumentally tedious, thatís par for the course.

Then at the twenty-five minute mark, we realised where the script was going. And it was worse than we thought: not only a Fight Club pastiche, a really bad Fight Club pastiche. With an estate agent. Mix that with the Willow Brainwashes Tara plot from Buffy, and it decomposed instantly.

But not before a general pity party with paper hats and balloons. Oh, boo hoo, Owen: get over yourself. You knew someone for a week and she left you. Not exactly the tragedy of the century, is it? Nor is it even slightly unusual. Deciding youíd rather be mauled to death than take the time to stick your heart back together? What a wimp.

As for Gwen, expecting Rhys to forgive her is amazingly self-involved: after finding out exactly why his girlfriendís been treating him like shit, naturally thatís going to be Rhysís prime concern, isnít it? But then going further and manipulating her partnerís memory just to make herself feel better makes Gwen about as admirable a figure as Owen. One less reason to give a stuff about this show.

Thatís all itís getting. Thatís all it deserves.

OUTTAKES

WE COULDNíT STAND YOUR COMPANY EITHER

ďI came out to be aloneĒ? Weíd call this an oxymoron, but that would be a waste of the first two syllables.

THE AXIS OF WEEVIL

Why does Jack jump to the conclusion from seeing one Weevil groaning that somebodyís torturing Weevils? How does he know another one hasnít stubbed its toe?

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