PLANET OF THE DALEKS
'"Plain of stones?" "It's an area of huge boulders."'
We've been here before...
"The Daleks". So great, they wrote it twice. There's nothing in Planet Of The Daleks that William Hartnell et al didn't do already and do better. Let's just cling to the faint thread of hope that Terry Nation genuinely thought he was adding to his original Dalek epic and wasn't just cynically ripping off the audience. From the Thals to the tromping back and forth through the city of the Daleks to the Daleks' plan to wipe out all life on the planet except for them, it's a rerun. Only this time, the genuine excitement and danger of the original are replaced by tedious and anvil-on-the-head obvious lectures about the nature of courage and leadership. Yawn.
Apart from that, Planet Of The Daleks' plot's full of dead ends and holes, the characterisation's dull to unbelievable and the fun-fur aliens are just plain silly. And as for those plants, let's not go there. They look like something out of a porn movie.
Enough. Let's just pick it to bits.
MORAL: Shout first, ask questions later.
YOU NEVER KNOW
Why does Jo think the Doctor needs help when she's seen him in this state before? And what makes her think that just outside the TARDIS will be someone who knows how to treat a dying Time Lord?
THEY DIDN'T COVER THAT IN MY FIRST-AID COURSE
Jo is busy yapping about how cold the Doctor is. Why, in that case, doesn't she replace his jacket and pull up the blanket she pulled down?
HE WANTED HIS JACKET TO MATCH HIS FACE
The Doctor's oxygen is running out and he's trapped in the TARDIS. So what does he do? He gets changed. As you do.
IT'S A TIME LORD THING. YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND
The Doctor tells the Thals he's been to Skaro in the past. How does he know what the date is now?
I NEVER FORGET A RACE
How does the Doctor recognise the Thals? They're not wearing the same gear as they did the first time (more's the pity). Surely they're not the only blondes in the universe?
GREEN IS SO TWO MINUTES AGO
Jo's coat's obviously protecting her from that green goo stuff. So why does she chuck it away?
CARRY ON DOCTOR
Oh, dear, that embarrassing comedy tentacle.
WHAT COLOUR KNICKERS ARE YOU WEARING?
Why do the Thals need those eye plant thingies to tell them the Spiridons are invisible when the Spiridons are such heavy breathers?
YOU TRY HOLDING AN OILCAN WITH A PLUNGER
The door to the Doctor's cell opens very jerkily.
For someone as fond of Jo as the Doctor’s meant to be, he seems remarkably indifferent to her supposed death. We know he's seen a lot of companions come and go, but still. We've seen people more upset over guppies.
DID SHE SAY MANIACS?
10,000 Daleks! Cool ending! Even if they do turn out to be toys.
I NEED MY SPACE
Shouldn't it have struck the Doctor as just a little suspicious that there's a whacking great city there for only twelve Daleks?
WHAT YOU NEED IS A GOOD PLUNGING
How did the Dalek search Marat's body?
A LOAD OF HOT AIR
If the air was hot enough to lift four people with a piece of plastic, surely it would have burned them, not to mention melting the plastic.
THIS IS A CASE FOR SUNSILK EXTRA HOLD
Since there's a bloody great updraft blowing up the shaft, why isn't it blowing their hair around?
A LOAD OF HOT AIR PART II
Instead of fannying about with the antigrav unit, why don't the Daleks just turn the refrigeration unit off?
I'VE GOT THE BUILDERS IN
Rather than plunging off to the clearly scary Plain of Stones, why don't they all just repair to the TARDIS?
IT WAS MORE OF A CHALLENGE THIS WAY
The Daleks say they're going to release the virus, killing everything on the planet, if they can't find the aliens. Why don't they just release it anyway?
IT'S A LIGHTBULB-BASED LIFE FORM
Oh dear, those eyes...
OH, YEAH. WE FORGOT
The Daleks clearly know where the Plain of Stones is, so why do they ask Vaber to lead them to it?
YOU TRY HOLDING AN OILCAN WITH A PLUNGER PART II
The Daleks pursuing Jo and Latep come bursting into the scene with audible squeaks and rumbles. And then in the next bit one of the Daleks knocks into a rock, which makes a shooshy polystyrene noise. The local geology's obviously pretty interesting.
WE NEED AN UPGRADE
The Daleks behave very cluelessly about the virus - there are lots of things they could've done, like getting the Daleks outside the room to synthesise the vaccine.
IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME
What happened to the whole virus thing, anyway? It seems to sputter out without going anywhere, and the same goes for the fearsome Plain of Stones creatures and the evil vegetation.
WITH CHOCOLATE-FLAVOUR SPRINKLES
Dalek Supreme? Sounds like one of those dodgy frozen desserts from a low-end supermarket.
REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE
Not content with stealing from his own material, with the frozen army of Daleks stuff Terry Nation is also borrowing heavily from Tomb of the Cybermen.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE LIQUEFIED STEAM
Molten ice? Isn't that... water?
OH. OKAY, THEN
Latep takes it remarkably well when Jo, the supposed love of his life, decides not to go back with him to Skaro.